Today is our 1 year angel anniversary. January 13, 2008 I miscarried our sweet angel baby. I can not believe it has been a year already. It went by so quickly. I have healed a lot over the last year. Things are getting easier everyday. It does not seem humanly possible when you are in the throws of grief. But time does heal all wounds. Corny ... I know ... but like I have said before life is corny most of the time.
I have been pretty OK most of the day. I started to get a little sad this morning. But I told myself to suck it up. I had my first day of class for the spring semester today and I had to work tonight. So I just did not have time to be sad this morning. I made myself focus on what needed to be done. I worked with 2 coworkers that I enjoy so that made it easier. It was one coworkers last day. So I just tried to focus on having a good night for him and not make it all about me. Hard to do when you are grieving.
Then we were watching the episode of Scrubs when Carla has her baby. It was a funny episode and I was enjoying it. Then they got to the end when Turk brings out the baby and the tears welled up. I couldn't help but think about how that should have been us in August. I thought about how my hubby would have been that proud and excited. How we should be holding and enjoying our child in our arms not just our hearts. I some how managed to pull myself together. I texted the hubby and told him I was sad but very happy that I still had him and my son. I just wish I could have been home with him instead of at work. I think I pulled it together before my coworkers noticed but I am not sure.
I probably should sit down and allow myself to cry now. Who knows ... it might feel good. That's what nice hot showers are good for right? Maybe I will fill the tub with pretty bath salts or bubbles and just let it flow. Take the time to grieve today for our angel baby. We miss you angel and wish every single day that you were still with us. I am gonna go light my candle for our angel now.
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