RE Consultation

I had my consultation with our RE this afternoon. I have good and bad news. But at least now we have a game plan.

She did a very in depth physical examination. I swear she was swimming around in there! LOL I have only one vagina and one cervix. I kinda already knew the vagina thing. LOL But she said she was only able to find one cervix, at least externally. She has gone back to agreeing with my OB from when I had my son. It appears that my uterus is heart shaped. Two lobes but not two separate uteri like she thought. So although I am still a little oddly shaped, I am not doubled up as far as she can see.

The cyst on my left ovary is gone. I did have 4 follicles on my left ovary. But they were there last time and have not grown much in the last 3 weeks. So for right now there is nothing to get excited about. But the two cysts on my right ovary are still there. They have not gotten any larger but they have not gotten any smaller either. She gave me three options.

1. Wait it out for 8 weeks and see what happens.
2. Take birth control pills for 8 weeks and see if the cysts go away.
3. Surgery to remove the cysts.

If options one and two did not end in the cysts dissolving on their own I would have to have surgery to remove them. I decided not to wait 8 more weeks to see what happens. She does not think the first two options would do anything but didn't want to push me into surgery. It was completely my choice. And my hubby's of course. After 3 years of TTC I have lost all sense of patience to wait two more months in HOPES of things getting better. Especially if it would end in me having surgery anyway.

Sooooooooo on Monday morning (August 3) I will be going in for laparoscopy surgery. She will remove the two cysts on my right ovary. Also while she is in there she will take a look around at the anatomy of my uterus. We will find out once and for all what the heck is going on with my uterus! WOOHOO! Thankfully my mother has the day off. She will be able to drop me off, pick me up and watch Bryan for the surgery. I got a coworker to cover my shifts at work next week so I can rest and heal.

While I am not happy that the cysts are still there I am happy that we have a game plan. I am nervous about surgery since I have never been under general anesthesia before. But I look forward to getting rid of the cysts and getting a look at my uterus. She said she will be taking pictures so that I can see what was what in there. I am kind of excited for that! So fingers crossed that all will go well and safely. Hopefully soon we will be back on the fertility treatment road and closer to a healthy baby!

Ultrasound # 2

I had my second ultrasound this morning. I have no idea what I am looking at so I am just guessing at this point. I have a consult at 2:30pm with our RE. I will find out then what exactly they saw and what is going on and what is going to happen. I will let you guys know more when I know more.

I am pretty sure the cyst on my right ovary is bigger then it was. I don't know for sure yet. But it looked pretty big to me. When she looked at my left ovary I thought I saw 4 small black circles. I don't know if I have more cysts on the left ovary now or if those were follicles. I took an OPK when I got back from the appointment and there are 2 lines. It is still a negative. But there are 2 lines again. So who knows. Maybe those are follies. I can hope right? I guess I will find out in a couple of hours. I think I thought I might have maybe seen 2 cervix. I am not sure. And I am pretty sure there was SOMETHING going on with my uterus ... 2 uteri ... I hate waiting! 2 more hours and I will be back at the RE office to get these answers.

It sucked getting off the elevator today. 5 of us piled out of the elevator. 4 ladies took a right and headed towards obstetrics. Just sad little old me wandered to the left towards the fertility clinic. That really sucked. I choked back a sob. Managed to regain my composure quickly and headed to the desk. *sigh*

But the good news is I didn't wander around the room with no pants on this time! I remembered to take the sheet with me and cover up. However I did forget to flush the toilet after I emptied my bladder before the ultrasound. So she asked me if I had gone. I felt like a dork again! She probably thought I didn't wash my hands either. ICK! It's always something! HA HA HA

I get the feeling it will not be good news ...

I know I shouldn't get worried. I know I should wait until my ultrasound on Wednesday. But I have a bad feeling that the news is not going to be good. I had been using OPK and my FM in hopes of my cyst going away on it's own. I bought a new saliva scope. I lost my old one. Of course I did ... why would I be able to find it when I want it again. So I switched to using just the scope. I figured if I started to see any ferning I would start the OPK and FM again. Well just for fun today I decided to POAS and see what came up. The OPK was a blaring negative. I had started to get a second line a while ago. But there was definitely only one line today. The test stick for my FM had also started to get a light second line. The one line, which I am pretty sure measures your estrogen, was dark before. But today it was DARK. I have never seen that line that dark. Even when I used one when I was pregnant. Ya I took one for fun when I was pg. It actually told me I was pregnant before an actual HPT did! So anyway it is scary dark. Which I am sure means that my estrogen is WAY high. Which most likely means the cyst has only gotten worse. *sigh* Nothing seems to want to go right anymore! And yes I did actually take an HPT and it was very much negative. This just plain old sucks. Oh and I have a question for anyone who might know. Does elevated estrogen make you dizzy? I have been having dizzy spells since last night. They are getting annoying. Better check my BP and BS and make sure those are both OK too. Gotta find out what is causing the dizzy spells so I can make them go away. Before I fall over. LOL

It was not good news.

I finally got the call back from my doctor about my blood test and ultrasound results. I knew it was not going to be good when they said my doctor had to talk to me and not just any nurse who had time. I am angry and sad and frustrated and totally overwhelmed right now.

First I have 3 cysts on my ovaries. Two cherry sized cysts. One on my left ovary and one on my right ovary. Those supposedly are no big deal. But there is a golf ball sized cyst on my right ovary. It is fluid filled so they do not think it is cancer. I have to go back to the clinic on July 29th for a follow up ultrasound and visit with my doctor. If the cyst has not burst on it's own by then she will decide if they are going to try to drain it or do surgery to remove it.

The large cyst is producing it's own hormones. The blood test showed that my estrogen levels are 4 times as high as they should be. The estrogen is suppressing my FSH and LH hormones. In other words I will not ovulate until the cyst is gone. There is a small chance that the Clomid will be strong enough to cause the cyst to rupture and then I will ovulate. But it is a very slim chance.

I asked her if the Clomid caused the cysts and she said no. My hormone levels were very high on the day I started the Clomid. She thinks the cyst has been there for a while. That is most likely why I did not ovulate last cycle or get a period on my own. If I get a period before the ultrasound, or after, I can start another round of Clomid. The cysts do not change the course of treatment she has chosen because she thinks it has nothing to do with the fertility drugs. She said a lot of women just get cysts. But we don't know it because most of the time we don't have some one diggin around in there to see it. She said in no way does this mean I have PCOS either. It is not that kind of cyst so I don't need to worry about that path.

I just feel like I wasted a cycle of Clomid. You only get so many and there goes one down the toilet. She told me there is still a chance to save this cycle. I can keep testing with OPKs if I like and let her know if my LH starts to rise. That would mean the cyst has taken care of itself. There is still a chance the Clomid could do the job it was meant to do. But I am just not holding out much hope right now.

But all of that is not even the worst part. Apparently the tech wasn't kidding when she asked about two cervix. My doctor thinks I have a double uterus. She thinks she can see 2 uterus and 2 cervix on the ultrasound. The one on the right is normal and most likely the one I carried my son and probably the other pregnancy in. But there seems to be a smaller, less well formed set on the left side. So part of the reason I am going back on the 29th is so she can have a better look around. She said that if I do in fact have 2 it will not in any way effect my health or my fertility. I would have to have a pap for both cervix but that is it. It doesn't seem to be "hooked up" to anything. It's just sittin there chillen. She will check it out with the ultrasound and do an in depth gyno check at my appointments that day.

I can't help but feel like a freak. I am trying not to think that way. But it is just very weird. She said while it is not normal for the female population in general. It is actually common in her practice. Again nobody notices these things unless there is a problem, like infertility, that makes them do some digging. But I still feel just weird. I am angry and upset that it seems like we are wasting a cycle of Clomid. I am upset that we are facing another set back. I am trying not to lose hope. I know we are no were near the end point of fertility treatment. We still have a long road and a lot of options to have a child of our own together. But right now I just feel chewed up and spit out by all of this. I feel like a total failure for not giving my husband a child of his own. I know how much it means to him and I am just not making it happen. He is fine and healthy. He can have children. I am begining to wonder if I ever will again. I am glad I have Fridy off. I need a day to just be alone and cry and get it all out of my system. This sucks! There is nothing I can do about it right now. That is the worst part for me. I want to do SOMETHING but there is nothing to be done but sit and wait to see what happens. I am tired of doing that. I am tired of all of this.

I am getting tired of waiting.

I slept in this morning until 11:30am since Bryan is gone for the week. I had a little alone mommy time and I took advantage of it. When I got up I went to check my cell phone. The battery was dead. UGH! I plugged it in and discovered that Bryan had called to let me know he had made it up North with my mother to my Aunt's house safely. No message from the fertility clinic. I called them and told them that I was STILL waiting for my test results from the FSH and Ultrasound. They said my Dr would call after 5pm because she was seeing patients. Well 5 came and went and no phone call. I am so frustrated and angry and sad and just UGH right now. Hopefully on Thursday they will either call me earlier in the day or leave a message on my voicemail. I have to work and will not be able to answer my phone or probably call back before the clinic closes for the day. *sigh* This is getting so annoying. I am half tempted to go down there, park my toosh in their waiting room and just wait until some one, doctor or nurse, to come and read me my test results. But I don't want to be a pain in the you know what. So I wait by the phone ... still ... UGH!

I can't believe I missed it!

I was waiting for the phone call from my RE doctor or a nurse about my test results. I waited patiently all day long. Right before 5pm she finally called. Unfortunately my phone never actually rang! It beeped to let me know I had a voice mail. But that was it. Grrrrr! I called her back as soon as I knew that she had called. Which was probably all of 5:01 when I called. But they had already turned off the phones and it went straight to the voice message. So I was unable to call her back and get my test results. I was uber ticked off and very frustrated. I feel better now. I will have to call in the morning when they open. But who knows if some one will call me back right away or if I have to wait until almost 5pm again. AND what if my phone doesn't work right again. UGH!

Ultrasound

I had my ultrasound today. Just making sure everything is were it is suppose to be and to check my ovarian reserve. I was a nervous wreck but excited. My nerves just got worse in the ultrasound room. It is so frustrating to have them rooting around in there and taking measurements but not saying anything. I have no idea what I was looking at and if it was bad or good. *sigh* So frustrating.

At one point she asked me a few questions. She wanted to know why I had a c-section. I told her Bryan was breech. She asked if anyone had ever told me I had 2 cervix or something. Or something? Be a little more specific woman! No I have never been told I have 2 cervix but I have been told I have a dip at the top of my uterus. That was the reason I needed the c-section. Her response was "Oh! OK then!" Ummm ... so does that make sense to what you are looking at or should I be concerned? Ugh!

When I was done I asked when I would get the results. "You don't have a follow up visit planned?" she says. No ... am I suppose to? UGH! I found out later at the desk that they will call me either later today or tomorrow. The doctor won't read the ultrasound until the end of the day. I should have planned this later in the day. LOL If I didn't have to work I would have done that. Note to self for future reference.

In my nervous daze I did the dumbest thing. I feel like an idiot and a bit of a perv to be honest. HA HA HA So I was asking her how I would get my results and was not paying much attention to what I was doing. I got up, put the sheet down on the exam table and started to head to the bathroom all the while talking to the tech. About halfway to the bathroom it dawned on me that I had no pants on! I was nude from my waist to my socks!!! I ducked into the bathroom quickly and threw my pants on as fast as I could get my legs in them! OMG what is wrong with me? I realize between all the poking and prodding of being a mother and years of gyno appointments and now all the poking and prodding of infertility stuff my modesty level is low. But holy crap! I am blaming the Clomid. Ya ... that's it ... it was a Clomid brain fart ... my hormones are flying all over the place ... I can not be held responsible for my actions! HA HA HA I can't wait to tell Ethan that one. I am sure he will get a kick out of my plus sized naked toosh strolling through the ultrasound room like I own the place. The funniest part was that the tech didn't even seem surprised. LOL Oh this has been a special day.

Quicky Dell Report

The Wisconsin Dells Duck. We rode one just like this.



Coming back out of the water on the ducks.


The little girl sitting next to us got to drive our duck while we were on the open water of the lake.


Bryan in the pool.


Bryan coming down the water slide.


Ethan and Bryan at Alligator Alley.


Bryan and mom at Alligator Alley.


One of the alligators waiting to be fed.


They had a lot of albino reptiles.


Before we left we stopped at a small hot dog stand that sold chicago style hot dogs. There was a pepper on it. Bryan being the pepper lover that he is just popped it into his mouth. He was unaware that this pepper was a bit hotter then the jalapenos he likes to eat. This is a pic of the face he made for the next 10 minutes while tears streamed down his face and he guzzled that Pepsi.