Thursday, April 17, 2014

I lost an amazing woman.

I lost an amazing woman recently. My grandmother ... my everything passed away a week ago. This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. I am still reeling from the loss of my mother in-law just 3 months ago. I am the mother to three kids under the age of 4 AND I have a teenager. I am still postpartum so hormones are flopping around and my hair is starting to fall out. Those are just a handful of the things going on and stressing me out. Then the whole world falls apart and my grandmother dies. What a cruel joke. What a rotten time. As one friend put it "it is hard when you barely have a chance to catch your breath between losses."

The good news is I saw her slipping away and I took action. My husband pushed for me to not let this opportunity get away. I took my kids and my husband to the nursing home to say goodbye. I took pictures of everything including her sleeping. I talked to her and saw her smile. I sat quietly by her beside and was just there in the moment with her. Sure I wish I had prayed with her while I held her hand. I wish I could have told her I loved her one more time. But for the most part I am at peace with my time spent with her before she went back home.

Still it is sad and still I feel lost with out her here. I cherish everything I have from her. The physical trinkets. The heart warming memories. The life altering morales. The pictures that seemed silly in the moment but mean everything to me now. All I can do is trudge forth and hope that I am making her proud. I miss you grandma. I can still feel your hand in mine. I hope that memory never fades.

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