7 years ago today my high school sweetheart passed away. I hate to admit that I actually forgot what today was. Then I saw a post from a high school friend. It was like being kicked in the gut. My breath was literally taken away. How could I forget? I feel awful. His death was one of the hardest moments of my life. I had never lost anyone important before. I didn't know how to handle it. I am still not sure I do.
The hardest thing for me and what makes me the saddest is not what I am missing but what he is missing. We had dreams. A house, marriage and children. I have all those things. I love where I live. I love where I raise my family. I have a husband who I love more then words. Who makes me happy and who is making all of my dreams come true. I have two handsome boys who mean everything to me. I hold my baby in my arms and feel the amazing joy of being a parent. I guess I still feel guilty that I have everything that he should have had the opportunity to have. I get to live and love and be happy. All things that I wanted for him but he can't have. I guess it is the guilt that makes me sad on this day every year.
I take comfort in the fact that he is no longer suffering. He is in heaven with God. What could be better then that? I know that he is always with those of us who cared for him. I remember that every time it rains. I know that when we all are done here and make our way back home he will be there waiting for each one of us.
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