2008

This year did not turn out the way I thought it would. It had it's highs and some of the lowest lows I have ever had. But thankfully for me I have a wonderful family and a strong hubby and a handsome, healthy son to be thankful for. I made it through the rain ... let's just hope 2009 is better.

We started out the year great! The hubby and I were expecting our first child together!

All that hard work and heartache had finally paid off. We were going to have a baby. We told everybody we could. We waited in anticipation of this wonderful new life. The boy looked forward to becoming a big brother for the first time on his mother's side. My heart just knew it was a girl and soon I would not feel so out numbered.

Sadly our baby became an angel on January 13, 2008.

Our hearts were broken. This baby that meant everything to us was leaving and there was nothing we could do. No matter how much we cried and no matter how much our baby was wanted here, she went back home to God.

The weeks after losing our baby were probably some of the darkest in my life. We had lost everything that we had fought so hard for. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I didn't feel like I had the right to those things because I couldn't keep our baby alive.

But there is always a silver lining to every dark cloud. I found my strength in the wonderful women on message boards about miscarriage. While I ached for their shared pain, I was soothed by the fact that I was not alone. That I was not the odd man out. That there was always hope.

I am a miscarriage survivor.

I will never surrender.
And God willing, in 2009 I will be proudly wearing this blinkie on my message boards.

And of course this one.


There has been plenty good things. The boy had his last first. Yes that is right ... the boy is getting old. But not me ... nope ... I am still young ... he he he ... 29 forever! The boy had his last first day of elementary school.

Next year he will be in middle school ... and I will be the mother of a way to old kid. AHHHHH!

The hubby and I had our 10 year high school reunion. See I am not THAT old. It was only my 10 year reunion.

It was great to see old friends who we haven't seen in years. And the ones we see all the time. LOL

The hubby and I took the boy to the Science Museum for the Star Wars exhibit. Yes we are geeks and yes I love it!



But how could you not love Yoda!

We got to show the boy the mummy we remembered going to see since we were little kids

Every once in a while I come out from behind the camera.

The hubby and I went to Deadwood South Dakota for vacation this year. We both LOVE the show and thought it would be fantastic to visit the actual city. And I must say it was pretty fantastic!

Beautiful old houses ... a bit creepy but so is our house. LOL

We ate dinner in what used to be a whore house.

We hiked our butts up the side of a mountain to see this monument from Seth Bullock.

Damn right I got my fat ass up that mountain! And I am proud of it too!
It was a great trip and a wonderful way to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary.

That's right boys and girls! We have been married for 2 years now. Well more then 2 by today and workin on 3 but you get the point.

Our biggest project had to be remodeling one of the bedrooms up stairs for the boy. Here is a before.

And of course the after.

The boy is very very happy.

As long as we keep the dogs from brawling on his bed anyway.


My baby Bobo turned 1 year old this year. So mister Bocephus is all grown up .... he he he ... ya right ... he is a male ... they never grow up!

Who me?

Sonny and Coco keep trucking along. They are both getting a little grey around the muzzle. But they keep kicking.


Spunky and poopy as ever!

This year we welcomed a new member into the kitty family. Which is good cause we were down to only 2 cats.

A hungry and lonely little kitten showed up in the pasture ... and then climbed up the hubby's leg. he he he ... why always the one who hates cats? So we took her in, fattened her up and convinced the other 2 cats that she wasn't all bad.

She can be really cute sometimes.

Until she realizes I have the camera out again. Oooops ... did I disturb your hair chewing session?

This have been good and bad. Happy and sad. Corny I know ... but sometimes life is just so dang corny you have to laugh! But at the end of the day I have my family. And I am forever grateful for that.

But DAMN I hope 2009 is all good!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Christmas 2008

Christmas was good this year. I am happy anyway. We got together with both families so it was all good. Here is my mother and sister making Christmas dinner.

Oh God ... here she goes with the pictures again ....

My furniece Scarlet dancing for joy ... or presents ... sometimes treats ... whatever!

Everybody opening presents.

Scarlet those are Cocos ... Scarlet ... no ... SCARLET!

The boy opening his presents on Christmas morning.

Christmas day at the inlaws.


Notice how I am not in any of the photos. Mauw ha ha ha!!! Now if only I can get a hold of the hubby's phone an delete the ones of me on there ....

Why Bobo why?

If it's not a poor toys butt ...

Then it is the poor unfortunate animals crotch ...

Why Bobo why?

"Don't judge me!"

How about now?

I have most of my Christmas shopping done. I still need to go get the gift card for my grandmother. But other then that I think I am good to go! So are you ready for Christmas?



"Seriously can I take the antlers off yet?" says Sonny.
NOOOOOOO! MAUW HA HA HA

Are you ready?

Just a few days left until Christmas. Are you ready? Do you have your shopping done?

Can Sonny take the antlers off yet? he he he no he can't!

You know it is cold when ...

So it is suppose to be -30 tonight into tomorrow. I am glad the boy does not have school. He is off for Christmas ... I mean winter break. *eye roll* I am just glad I don't have to bundle him up like a big green marshmallow before sending him out to the bus tomorrow. But here is how you truly know that it is to cold.

That's right! I put a sweater on my dog. Don't judge me ... so anyway. You know it is truly cold outside here when not only do I put a sweater on my smallest dog but she does not try to take it off. Now THAT is cold!

I keep bleeding ...

UGH! AF showed up again. I was hoping with out getting my hopes up that I was pg. It would have been nice. My conception date would have been right around the hubby's birthday. I was trying to hold out until Christmas to tell him. I was a couple of days late. But I got a BFN and spotting yesterday. Before you know it we were full on AF. I didn't have any cramps for a long time though. I think I woke up around 7am with cramps. But nothing before that. I either have them under control with drugs or they went away again. Weird but what ever. Not going to complain. I am bummed because it would have been so nice. And we don't have any birthdays in September. *sigh* On to the next cycle I guess. Where is my thermometer?

Still ... again ... whatever ...

It's snowing ... again ... still ... what ever. It's not like I have things to do this weekend. I don't have shopping to do before Christmas. No not at all. Well at least we have wine to keep us busy for the weekend. I bought 3 bags of milk last night from Kwik Trip. So that BETTER get us through the weekend. Pretty sure we have enough food to go around ... people, dog and cat. I might run out of pop before the weekend is over. But there is Diet Green Tea in my truck that I have yet to bring in the house. he he he So all is not lost. Ok I better get back to cleaning. It's not like I have much else I can do. LOL

Again don't take me so literally

Again I am happy that it is warmer out. 25 degrees is nice. Not a heat wave but nice. I said I would take some snow if we could get warmer. But yaaaaaaaaaaa .... we got 5.5 inches last night. Thankfully after I drove home from work. So I didn't have to eeek my way home last night. But I might have to tonight. Because ... sadly ... we have another snow storm coming tonight. And it is suppose to storm all weekend. We aren't suppose to see a break in the snow until Monday. Ok ... seriously ... I was kidding ... no more snow please ... son of a ...

DONE!!!

Do the happy dance! I am done with my Algebra class! I took my last test yesterday! No class today.
I am DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE! No offense to those who love math but math sucks. LOL I hate math because I just don't get it. It makes no sense to me. Things like biology and health care and most specifically human reproduction fascinate me. I just can't seem to learn enough so I am always hungry for more information. I enjoy it and it makes sense to me. But math ... ugh! It just makes no sense. So it is done. God willing this will be the last math class I EVER have to take. I can't promise that but I can hope and pray. LOL Now I have more time on my hands. Unfortunetly to the hubby that just means more time to clean the house. UGH!

I can't wait for this to be over!

Today is my last day of class. My last test is this morning. I can not wait to be done! I suck at math. I am just not good at it. So this class has been stressful all semester. I try hard. But it is hard to get homework done and feel like you are well practiced in the material before a test when you have 8 MILLION other things to do and everybody bitching that they need something. COME ON! Give me just and hour or two to myself would ya! LOL Ok I am off to practice some more. I would love to instead go back to bed. Since I was up half the night last night because of stress. But I don't want to over sleep and miss the last dang test. LOL So I am going to study before school instead. Wish me luck!

I didn't think you would take me so literally

Well it did warm up a bit yesterday. It warmed up 20 degrees between Monday night after work and Tuesday night after work. So I got my wish there. But when I said let it snow ... well maybe I didn't mean THIS much snow. LOL And now they say 6-9 more inches on Thursday. OK I get it. Be careful what you wish for. Can it stop snowing now? The cats are starting to have to LEAP across the yard when I bring food out!


MEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOW!

You don't even wanna know what she just said to me ....

Let it snow

Let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow .... what ever. Just so long as it FLIPPIN warms up! I am sick of the constant below zero temps this week. Ugh!

Holy Mother of COLD!

We have a wind chill advisory here today. It is -6 right now. Which while cold doesn't sound mind numbing. But then of course you add the wind chill in and it gets insane really fast! I hear it is only suppose to get worse. -18 or so with out the wind chill. God only knows what with it. I hope they are wrong. I hope it is not that cold. But I am not holding my breath either. I wish the semester was over. I wish I didn't have to go to class today. UGH!

Happy Dream

I had a wonderful dream the other morning. I can't remember for sure. But I think it was Saturday morning. The dream went like this:

I was not feeling quite right. Something felt off and I could not put my finger on it. So I thought, for the heck of it, I would take a pregnancy test. Now I have a large supply of internet cheapy tests that I got off from Ebay. That way I can save the good ones for when, if ever, I am pregnant again. But for some reason in this dream I used one of the good tests. I peed in a cup and stuck the test in for the required 10 seconds that the instructions told me. Yes I pee in a cup to take a test. I do this with ovulation tests and my fertility monitor tests too. It is just easier to pee in a dixie cup and throw it away then to try and pee on a stick with out getting the whole dang thing wet. Now normally when I take a test I set it down on the bathroom sink and wander away to take care of my other morning duties. But for some reason in this dream I set it down and watched the wetness cross the test window. Right away I saw 2 lines show up! I picked up the test to look closer. I thought for sure my eyes or my mind were playing tricks on me. But the test line quickly got just as dark if not darker then the control line. Stunned outa my brains I picked up a internet cheapy. I forced out a little more pee into a new cup and put the test in. Again it came up positive instantly. I was shocked to say the least. I could barely proccess the sight of a positive pregnancy test. A warm happiness washed over me. I stood their deciding. Do I rush out of the bathroom, into the bedroom and wake the hubby up to share the good news? Do I hold it in and find a sweet way to tell him like I did last time I was pregnant? OR do I try desperatly to hold this fabulous little secret in until Christmas? I mean what better Christmas present could I give the hubby? You are gonna be a daddy! Again ... hopefully anyway.

Well I never got a chance to make up my mind. Something woke me up. I am not sure what. But I woke up and of course was sad to realize it was just a dream. But it was a wonderful dream. A dream I hope will come true some time this week. I wonder if I could keep that secret until Christmas?

Why ... so ... sleepy ... ?

I have been SOOOO tired all weekend. We had a holiday party with friends on Friday. It was a LOT of fun. The hubby and I had a really good time. Sadly the boy was with his bio-dad and was not able to come with. But we still had fun. My hash brown casserole seemed to go over very well. The casserole dish was scraped clean. I would have loved some left overs. But no left overs is always a good sign. The food was delicous. The games were fun. We got to hang out and talk and just have a good time. It was really nice. I got to play with my itty bitty baby Bobby buddy. HE HE HE I don't know why but that is the name I have been calling him in my head. He is our friends son. I love that kid to death. He is so calm and full of smiles all the time. It is neat to watch him so bright eyed and interested in the world around him. Makes my uterus hurt.

After the party a few friends went to the bar. The hubby went home since it was mainly going to be girls. I am sure the one friend would have bar hopped all night. In fact she probably did. But I was tired and one of my friends needed a ride home. She had to be up good and early for work in the morning. On the ride home I kept thinking "I am getting to old for this shit." LOL I was home, showered and in bed by 12:30 ... yes ... sad ... I know. But like I said I am getting to old for this ...

I slept until noon on Saturady. I would have stayed there a lot longer but I had to work Saturday night and thought I better get up and at least have some lunch before going in. I was tired all night at work. When I got home the hubby and I watched a little TV and ate the McDonalds I picked up on the way home. But I was again in bed around midnight.

The hubby only let me sleep in until about 10am today. Again I would have slept a lot longer but he had things he wanted to do. Plus I wanted to spend some time with him before heading into work again. I was dead tired and had to drink a Red Bull just to keep me going. Now it is 11:30pm and I am totally pooped out. I am thinking bed sounds like a wonderful wonderful wonderful thing. My back hurts from this broken down chair. So my nice, soft, cushy bed keeps sounding better and better.

I don't know what my deal is. I am dead tired all weekend. I can't wait to go to bed and I dread getting back out of it in the morning. *sigh* Plus my boobs are killing me right now. Don't get any wild ideas. I don't hold out much hope these days. A pretty little positive pregnancy test for Christmas would be nice. But I am not about to hold my breath. I guess we will see if AF shows this week or not. I think I am going to bed now ... before I fall asleep in this not at all comfortable chair. he he he ....

Having a hard time again.

I have been having trouble dealing with my miscarriage again. It's been almost a year since we lost the baby. I have actually been doing pretty well for the last few months. I made it past my due date with out to much trouble and I was feeling pretty good. But the closer we get to Christmas and the 1 year anniversary of losing our baby the harder it gets for me again.

I am not really looking forward to Christmas. It is always an argument every year with my ex on who gets my son and when. So that makes me stress out every year. Then we had our pictures taken for our Christmas card. I couldn't stop thinking about how there should be 4 of us in the picture and there were only 3 people. This should be our baby's first Christmas but he/she is not here to celebrate it. I feel angry and frustrated and just plain sad.

January 13th is the 1 year anniversary of losing our baby. I can't stop thinking about how I was pregnant at this time last year. We were so excited. We had so much fun telling every one. All those months of TTC and all the poking and prodding from the fertility tests had finally paid off. We were so happy and excited. Now this year our baby is gone and we still have had no luck with TTC again.

I have had another baby boom around me again. Of course I am very excited for those who are pregnant. They worked hard and have been through plenty of pain too. But it is getting hard to suck it up, put a smile on and congratulate yet another person on their BFP. And as a CL of a TTC board I really don't have a choice sometimes. I don't really feel like I can vent to the ladies like I used to.

I am angry. I am sad. I am frustrated. Nobody seems interested in listening. They change the subject or look uncomfortable. Finally I just gave up trying with most people. Ethan doesn't want to dwell on the bad and only look towards the future. So he makes me feel like a complete idiot for still grieving. I know he doesn't mean to make me feel bad. And I know he hurts too. But sometimes it feels like nobody cares.

I don't want to feel bad anymore. I want to be happy. I want to be excited about Christmas. But then sometimes I think I should just let myself feel these things and cry it out so I can get over it. Get on with my life again. I am sick of no one understanding. I mentioned to DH tonight about going to talk to a counsellor or something. It may get better after the holidays and the 1 year anniversary. If not I will definitely go to see some one. Anyway I just felt the need to complain and vent and write it all out. It does help a little bit.

Huh?

Do you ever have a dream about some one who is no longer relevant to your life. Well I should not say that. He will forever be relevant to my life on some level. But this was just a weird and pointless dream. I have no idea what it meant or why I had it. And I have no idea why it is bothering me now. LOL ~*~ breath~*~ I have to go shopping anyway. The boy is out of juice for school and the snow ... well ... the snow it is a comin!

I am getting to old for this ...

I am getting to old for this crap. I must admit. I am only 28 but let's be honest ... I ain't no spring chicken anymore! Last night was my hubby's 29th birthday. We had fun. He picked out a movie that was good. I drank more blue raspberry icee then any one human being should. But then that is my favorite movie treat. Forget the popcorn ... bring me an icee! After the movie we stopped for a nummy dinner. Bakers Square has this awsome deal where you get soup or salad, 1/2 or a full sandwhich, and a piece of pie for like $8. How sweet is that?!?! I had a nice salad and a nummy roast beef sandwhich and topped it off with a peice of french silk pie. Who could ask for more?! We picked up the boy from my mother's house. He was in charge of entertaining her new kitten Harley for a while. My child, the cat whisper, was happy to help. Watch out Ceasar Milan! Your dog whisperin gots nothin on my kid! LOL So anyway we went home and the kid went to bed. Night sounds pretty tame right? Well one glass of wine turns into two. Then the wine turns into Gin. And before you know it I am drunk shavin in the shower again. HA HA HA I woke up this morning still half drunk and ready to puke my guts out. I don't think gin likes me very much. My head hurts a tish my belly has been rumbling all day. I can't decide if I should put food in it to make it feel better or just let it rumble for a while longer. I still feel a hair dizzy and uncoordinated. I slept until noon and could easily return to bed if needed. Yep ... I am still in my 20s ... but the late 20s are nothing like the early 20s. They are a lot rougher. You think you should still be able to play with the big boys. But ya ... not gonna happen sister. I am not ready to hang up my party hat and join a knitting club or anything. I just think it is time to realize that 30 is just around the corner. And I must admit the older I get the easier that pill has become to swallow. The 30s don't look so bad any more. Like I have said a million times, my 30s HAVE to be better then my 20s. At least the early 20s anyway. I think I am gonna go drink a pop instead ...

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my hubby. Happy Birthday to my hubby. Happy Birthday to my huuuuuuuuuuuuubbbbbbby. Happy Birthday to my hubby! Your almost 30! And I'm not ... yet anyway. he he he Lots of love and hugs and maybe a few pinches to my husband today. Love you!!!!!!

Pic of me.

I thought I would put a new pic of me up. Since I am in the picture taking and posting spirit. LOL

There be my picture from 2008. Not much different then my picture from 2007.

My hair is just longer and darker now.

I noticed ...

I noticed that most of my blogging consists of pictures of my dogs. My poor hubby and son. They kinda get the shaft on this one. Maybe I should put the reindeer antlers on one of them .......

I finally got it done!

After years of complaining and begging and at the risk of ruining Ethan's CIA job, we finally got a family picture done for Christmas cards!!! I have been wanting a picture of me, the hubby and the boy to make Christmas cards from for years and I really wanted to do it even more after I got married. But it always seems like schedules never matched up and the picture was never taken in time. We finally got it done tonight! WOOHOO! I could not be more happy! So first of all here is the picture of Ethan, Bryan and me. I chose to take it in front of the barn in our yard. I wanted a family farm kinda feel. I think it looks very nice.

There it is boys and girls! The family picture I have been begging for! Looks pretty good to me! LOL

And here is the picture of my side of the family. My sister and brother inlaw are on the left side. My mom is in the middle with my son in front of her. And of course me and my hubby on the right side of the photo. I enjoy this photo a lot too.
Just for fun I thought I would add a few pics of the dogs too.

Sonny in the reindeer antlers. He looks so thrilled doesn't he? LOL

Coco in her Mrs. Claus collar. So pretty!

This is what I like to call my ReinBo. he he he