It just dawned on me today that my headaches are gone! Holy crap! I had been having a LOT of headaches lately. I assumed it was the elevated levels of estrogen from the larger cyst that was causing them. I have awful headaches when ever I am pregnant. So it would make sense to have headaches from the cyst. DING DING DING! I have not had a headache in days. I have been wonderfully brain pain free. I guess my theory was right. How wonderful it is to not hurt ... in my head anyway. My belly button ... now well that is still a very different story.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Crap
Crap ... I can't poop. Yes the ugly side of surgery and infertility talk has reared it's ugly head. I am constipated. The nurse said this would probably happen. Between the surgery and the Vicodin I was likely to become constipated. She said if I did not have a bowl movement in a couple of days I could start a fiber supplement. I have not pooped since some time on Sunday. Thankfully I have some in the cupboard. So a little tang and benefiber drink for breakfast it is! Hopefully that will get things moving smoothly. And easily cause the thought of pushing scares the shit out of me ... not literally or I wouldn't be writing this post right now. HA HA HA
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Surgery Update
I had surgery on Monday. I am home now and trying to get as much rest as possible. Which is pretty easy considering the Vicodin makes me pretty darn sleepy. The hard part is getting myself up to use the bathroom and forcing myself to eat and drink. My throat hurts and I have no appetite at all. But I have been trying my best to get a little something into me when I take the Vicodin so I don't get sick and puke the meds back up. That would be a sad day. OK so here is how everything happened.
I checked into the clinic at 6am Monday morning. They took me up to a room and I got changed. The nurse came in and asked me hundreds of questions and took all of my vital signs before sending me to pre-op. Where they did everything the first nurse did all over again. HA HA HA At least they are consistent.
The anesthesiologists came and talked to me about what was going to happen and then got me hooked up to an IV. She poked both hands before getting it into my left hand. That hurt so bad. She couldn't numb my hands first because it would make my veins even more difficult to find and she had to poke around to get it in right. So that really stunk.
I was first in line so they rolled me into the operating room and got me all set up. I remember looking at the ceiling and it started to ... vibrate ... that's the best word I have for it. Then I fell asleep.
Next thing I remember was being in recovery moaning and groaning because I was in pain and I felt like puking. They gave me 2 different drugs but I still threw up. Well dry heaved since I didn't have anything in my stomach. It was weird to be aware of my surroundings but not having the energy to even open my eyes. An alarm kept going off saying my oxygen level was getting low. I just kept staring at the blinking orange lights thinking WTH? I am awake and breathing so why is my O2 at 75??? I spent a lot of time in recovery before they sent me back to my room.
I got back to my room around noon. They monitored my O2 level every half hour and as long as it stayed in the 90s range they turned the oxygen down and finally off. I was still very nauseous and couldn't eat so that I could take the pain med. So they gave me a third medicine and that finally worked. But it made me very sleepy which made it difficult to do anything but sleep. I managed to get down some jello and a pepsi before falling asleep. I snoozed off and on until they moved me to another floor around 2pm. I was able to get up and pee finally. The nurse took me for a little stroll around the floor to prove I could walk before going home. I got a little to excited to be out of bed and moving and almost tripped over my own feet. We both laughed and he reminded me to SLOW DOWN. It was not a race around the desk and falling was not going to get me out of there any faster. LOL We went back to my room and my mom and I WAITED FOREVER for a dr to come in and tell me about the surgery and give me the ok to go home. I finally buzzed the nurse and told them I wanted to go home NOW. I didn't care who came in to talk to me.
My dr was still busy but her colleague who was also in the operating room during my surgery came to talk to me. I had never met him before ... at least not to my knowledge anyway .... but he was very nice. He said I had trouble breathing during the surgery and had to be nebbed. I was given an inhaler to use if I needed it at home. He gave me copies of the pictures they took during surgery. I got to see my ovaries and the cysts and my uterus. I thought that was super cool. He said they were able to get both of the cysts out with no damage to the ovary. He showed me the picture of my left normal sized ovary and then the right ovary with the cysts. It was like a top view looking down and it was crazy how much bigger the right ovary looked with those cysts attached. No wonder I had been feeling bloated and achy on that side. He said the cysts had made my right ovary the same size as my uterus!!! CRAZY! There was an adhesion from my c-section. They took care of that while they were in there.
He said my uterus is heart shaped. There are 2 lobes on the top of my uterus. The right lobe is fine but the left lobe is underdeveloped. Which explains why Bryan was stuck in the right side and was breech and was unable to get turned head down. He says it will have no effect on me getting pregnant. My tubes are clear and functioning. Everything looks "hooked up" properly. I find it funny that a doctor said "hooked up" too. LOL Anyway he said a pregnancy will never be able to develop in the left lobe. So when ever I am pregnant they baby will always lean to my right lobe where there is room to grow. If the baby is head down by the time they get "stuck" on the right side then I will be able to try for a VBAC. How ever if another baby gets stuck head up like Bryan did I will have to have a c-section again. There is no way the baby can be turned around with out rupturing my uterus and I am not willing to try and deliver breech and they don't want me to either.
So nothing to weird. I don't have an extra uterus or cervix in there. A little deformed but I will still be able to carry another child to term no problem. Everything has been cleared out and cleaned up. So the next round of Clomid should be a lot more successful then this last one. LOL I go back in 4 weeks for a check up to make sure I have healed well and everything is back on track. The nurse told me nothing in the vagina for 48 hours. I told her the way I was feeling unfortunately for my husband that will NOT be a problem. The nurse and my mother both laughed pretty hard. LOL
I can shower later today if I want be I am holding off until tomorrow. I am to sleepy to stay awake long enough to get a good shower in right now. LOL My throat is killing me! It is swollen and sore and I swear it still tastes like plastic in my mouth! Stupid breathing tube! LOL My entire body aches. I am surprised by that. I can't believe how sore and stiff EVERYTHING is. It's Bryan's birthday and I feel bad he has to help take care of his mommy. But he doesn't seem to mind. I told him we could order some pizza and have birthday cake but I don't feel up to going anywhere. He was happy as long as he could have pizza. HA HA HA I am glad he is so easy to please. OK I am exhausted and the vicodin is kicking in again. So I am going to go prop myself up with pillows and go back to sleep. Thanks to every one for all the well wishes. I appreciate them a lot.
I checked into the clinic at 6am Monday morning. They took me up to a room and I got changed. The nurse came in and asked me hundreds of questions and took all of my vital signs before sending me to pre-op. Where they did everything the first nurse did all over again. HA HA HA At least they are consistent.
The anesthesiologists came and talked to me about what was going to happen and then got me hooked up to an IV. She poked both hands before getting it into my left hand. That hurt so bad. She couldn't numb my hands first because it would make my veins even more difficult to find and she had to poke around to get it in right. So that really stunk.
I was first in line so they rolled me into the operating room and got me all set up. I remember looking at the ceiling and it started to ... vibrate ... that's the best word I have for it. Then I fell asleep.
Next thing I remember was being in recovery moaning and groaning because I was in pain and I felt like puking. They gave me 2 different drugs but I still threw up. Well dry heaved since I didn't have anything in my stomach. It was weird to be aware of my surroundings but not having the energy to even open my eyes. An alarm kept going off saying my oxygen level was getting low. I just kept staring at the blinking orange lights thinking WTH? I am awake and breathing so why is my O2 at 75??? I spent a lot of time in recovery before they sent me back to my room.
I got back to my room around noon. They monitored my O2 level every half hour and as long as it stayed in the 90s range they turned the oxygen down and finally off. I was still very nauseous and couldn't eat so that I could take the pain med. So they gave me a third medicine and that finally worked. But it made me very sleepy which made it difficult to do anything but sleep. I managed to get down some jello and a pepsi before falling asleep. I snoozed off and on until they moved me to another floor around 2pm. I was able to get up and pee finally. The nurse took me for a little stroll around the floor to prove I could walk before going home. I got a little to excited to be out of bed and moving and almost tripped over my own feet. We both laughed and he reminded me to SLOW DOWN. It was not a race around the desk and falling was not going to get me out of there any faster. LOL We went back to my room and my mom and I WAITED FOREVER for a dr to come in and tell me about the surgery and give me the ok to go home. I finally buzzed the nurse and told them I wanted to go home NOW. I didn't care who came in to talk to me.
My dr was still busy but her colleague who was also in the operating room during my surgery came to talk to me. I had never met him before ... at least not to my knowledge anyway .... but he was very nice. He said I had trouble breathing during the surgery and had to be nebbed. I was given an inhaler to use if I needed it at home. He gave me copies of the pictures they took during surgery. I got to see my ovaries and the cysts and my uterus. I thought that was super cool. He said they were able to get both of the cysts out with no damage to the ovary. He showed me the picture of my left normal sized ovary and then the right ovary with the cysts. It was like a top view looking down and it was crazy how much bigger the right ovary looked with those cysts attached. No wonder I had been feeling bloated and achy on that side. He said the cysts had made my right ovary the same size as my uterus!!! CRAZY! There was an adhesion from my c-section. They took care of that while they were in there.
He said my uterus is heart shaped. There are 2 lobes on the top of my uterus. The right lobe is fine but the left lobe is underdeveloped. Which explains why Bryan was stuck in the right side and was breech and was unable to get turned head down. He says it will have no effect on me getting pregnant. My tubes are clear and functioning. Everything looks "hooked up" properly. I find it funny that a doctor said "hooked up" too. LOL Anyway he said a pregnancy will never be able to develop in the left lobe. So when ever I am pregnant they baby will always lean to my right lobe where there is room to grow. If the baby is head down by the time they get "stuck" on the right side then I will be able to try for a VBAC. How ever if another baby gets stuck head up like Bryan did I will have to have a c-section again. There is no way the baby can be turned around with out rupturing my uterus and I am not willing to try and deliver breech and they don't want me to either.
So nothing to weird. I don't have an extra uterus or cervix in there. A little deformed but I will still be able to carry another child to term no problem. Everything has been cleared out and cleaned up. So the next round of Clomid should be a lot more successful then this last one. LOL I go back in 4 weeks for a check up to make sure I have healed well and everything is back on track. The nurse told me nothing in the vagina for 48 hours. I told her the way I was feeling unfortunately for my husband that will NOT be a problem. The nurse and my mother both laughed pretty hard. LOL
I can shower later today if I want be I am holding off until tomorrow. I am to sleepy to stay awake long enough to get a good shower in right now. LOL My throat is killing me! It is swollen and sore and I swear it still tastes like plastic in my mouth! Stupid breathing tube! LOL My entire body aches. I am surprised by that. I can't believe how sore and stiff EVERYTHING is. It's Bryan's birthday and I feel bad he has to help take care of his mommy. But he doesn't seem to mind. I told him we could order some pizza and have birthday cake but I don't feel up to going anywhere. He was happy as long as he could have pizza. HA HA HA I am glad he is so easy to please. OK I am exhausted and the vicodin is kicking in again. So I am going to go prop myself up with pillows and go back to sleep. Thanks to every one for all the well wishes. I appreciate them a lot.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
RE Consultation
I had my consultation with our RE this afternoon. I have good and bad news. But at least now we have a game plan.
She did a very in depth physical examination. I swear she was swimming around in there! LOL I have only one vagina and one cervix. I kinda already knew the vagina thing. LOL But she said she was only able to find one cervix, at least externally. She has gone back to agreeing with my OB from when I had my son. It appears that my uterus is heart shaped. Two lobes but not two separate uteri like she thought. So although I am still a little oddly shaped, I am not doubled up as far as she can see.
The cyst on my left ovary is gone. I did have 4 follicles on my left ovary. But they were there last time and have not grown much in the last 3 weeks. So for right now there is nothing to get excited about. But the two cysts on my right ovary are still there. They have not gotten any larger but they have not gotten any smaller either. She gave me three options.
1. Wait it out for 8 weeks and see what happens.
2. Take birth control pills for 8 weeks and see if the cysts go away.
3. Surgery to remove the cysts.
If options one and two did not end in the cysts dissolving on their own I would have to have surgery to remove them. I decided not to wait 8 more weeks to see what happens. She does not think the first two options would do anything but didn't want to push me into surgery. It was completely my choice. And my hubby's of course. After 3 years of TTC I have lost all sense of patience to wait two more months in HOPES of things getting better. Especially if it would end in me having surgery anyway.
Sooooooooo on Monday morning (August 3) I will be going in for laparoscopy surgery. She will remove the two cysts on my right ovary. Also while she is in there she will take a look around at the anatomy of my uterus. We will find out once and for all what the heck is going on with my uterus! WOOHOO! Thankfully my mother has the day off. She will be able to drop me off, pick me up and watch Bryan for the surgery. I got a coworker to cover my shifts at work next week so I can rest and heal.
While I am not happy that the cysts are still there I am happy that we have a game plan. I am nervous about surgery since I have never been under general anesthesia before. But I look forward to getting rid of the cysts and getting a look at my uterus. She said she will be taking pictures so that I can see what was what in there. I am kind of excited for that! So fingers crossed that all will go well and safely. Hopefully soon we will be back on the fertility treatment road and closer to a healthy baby!
She did a very in depth physical examination. I swear she was swimming around in there! LOL I have only one vagina and one cervix. I kinda already knew the vagina thing. LOL But she said she was only able to find one cervix, at least externally. She has gone back to agreeing with my OB from when I had my son. It appears that my uterus is heart shaped. Two lobes but not two separate uteri like she thought. So although I am still a little oddly shaped, I am not doubled up as far as she can see.
The cyst on my left ovary is gone. I did have 4 follicles on my left ovary. But they were there last time and have not grown much in the last 3 weeks. So for right now there is nothing to get excited about. But the two cysts on my right ovary are still there. They have not gotten any larger but they have not gotten any smaller either. She gave me three options.
1. Wait it out for 8 weeks and see what happens.
2. Take birth control pills for 8 weeks and see if the cysts go away.
3. Surgery to remove the cysts.
If options one and two did not end in the cysts dissolving on their own I would have to have surgery to remove them. I decided not to wait 8 more weeks to see what happens. She does not think the first two options would do anything but didn't want to push me into surgery. It was completely my choice. And my hubby's of course. After 3 years of TTC I have lost all sense of patience to wait two more months in HOPES of things getting better. Especially if it would end in me having surgery anyway.
Sooooooooo on Monday morning (August 3) I will be going in for laparoscopy surgery. She will remove the two cysts on my right ovary. Also while she is in there she will take a look around at the anatomy of my uterus. We will find out once and for all what the heck is going on with my uterus! WOOHOO! Thankfully my mother has the day off. She will be able to drop me off, pick me up and watch Bryan for the surgery. I got a coworker to cover my shifts at work next week so I can rest and heal.
While I am not happy that the cysts are still there I am happy that we have a game plan. I am nervous about surgery since I have never been under general anesthesia before. But I look forward to getting rid of the cysts and getting a look at my uterus. She said she will be taking pictures so that I can see what was what in there. I am kind of excited for that! So fingers crossed that all will go well and safely. Hopefully soon we will be back on the fertility treatment road and closer to a healthy baby!
Ultrasound # 2
I had my second ultrasound this morning. I have no idea what I am looking at so I am just guessing at this point. I have a consult at 2:30pm with our RE. I will find out then what exactly they saw and what is going on and what is going to happen. I will let you guys know more when I know more.
I am pretty sure the cyst on my right ovary is bigger then it was. I don't know for sure yet. But it looked pretty big to me. When she looked at my left ovary I thought I saw 4 small black circles. I don't know if I have more cysts on the left ovary now or if those were follicles. I took an OPK when I got back from the appointment and there are 2 lines. It is still a negative. But there are 2 lines again. So who knows. Maybe those are follies. I can hope right? I guess I will find out in a couple of hours. I think I thought I might have maybe seen 2 cervix. I am not sure. And I am pretty sure there was SOMETHING going on with my uterus ... 2 uteri ... I hate waiting! 2 more hours and I will be back at the RE office to get these answers.
It sucked getting off the elevator today. 5 of us piled out of the elevator. 4 ladies took a right and headed towards obstetrics. Just sad little old me wandered to the left towards the fertility clinic. That really sucked. I choked back a sob. Managed to regain my composure quickly and headed to the desk. *sigh*
But the good news is I didn't wander around the room with no pants on this time! I remembered to take the sheet with me and cover up. However I did forget to flush the toilet after I emptied my bladder before the ultrasound. So she asked me if I had gone. I felt like a dork again! She probably thought I didn't wash my hands either. ICK! It's always something! HA HA HA
Saturday, July 25, 2009
I get the feeling it will not be good news ...
I know I shouldn't get worried. I know I should wait until my ultrasound on Wednesday. But I have a bad feeling that the news is not going to be good. I had been using OPK and my FM in hopes of my cyst going away on it's own. I bought a new saliva scope. I lost my old one. Of course I did ... why would I be able to find it when I want it again. So I switched to using just the scope. I figured if I started to see any ferning I would start the OPK and FM again. Well just for fun today I decided to POAS and see what came up. The OPK was a blaring negative. I had started to get a second line a while ago. But there was definitely only one line today. The test stick for my FM had also started to get a light second line. The one line, which I am pretty sure measures your estrogen, was dark before. But today it was DARK. I have never seen that line that dark. Even when I used one when I was pregnant. Ya I took one for fun when I was pg. It actually told me I was pregnant before an actual HPT did! So anyway it is scary dark. Which I am sure means that my estrogen is WAY high. Which most likely means the cyst has only gotten worse. *sigh* Nothing seems to want to go right anymore! And yes I did actually take an HPT and it was very much negative. This just plain old sucks. Oh and I have a question for anyone who might know. Does elevated estrogen make you dizzy? I have been having dizzy spells since last night. They are getting annoying. Better check my BP and BS and make sure those are both OK too. Gotta find out what is causing the dizzy spells so I can make them go away. Before I fall over. LOL
Thursday, July 9, 2009
It was not good news.
I finally got the call back from my doctor about my blood test and ultrasound results. I knew it was not going to be good when they said my doctor had to talk to me and not just any nurse who had time. I am angry and sad and frustrated and totally overwhelmed right now.
First I have 3 cysts on my ovaries. Two cherry sized cysts. One on my left ovary and one on my right ovary. Those supposedly are no big deal. But there is a golf ball sized cyst on my right ovary. It is fluid filled so they do not think it is cancer. I have to go back to the clinic on July 29th for a follow up ultrasound and visit with my doctor. If the cyst has not burst on it's own by then she will decide if they are going to try to drain it or do surgery to remove it.
The large cyst is producing it's own hormones. The blood test showed that my estrogen levels are 4 times as high as they should be. The estrogen is suppressing my FSH and LH hormones. In other words I will not ovulate until the cyst is gone. There is a small chance that the Clomid will be strong enough to cause the cyst to rupture and then I will ovulate. But it is a very slim chance.
I asked her if the Clomid caused the cysts and she said no. My hormone levels were very high on the day I started the Clomid. She thinks the cyst has been there for a while. That is most likely why I did not ovulate last cycle or get a period on my own. If I get a period before the ultrasound, or after, I can start another round of Clomid. The cysts do not change the course of treatment she has chosen because she thinks it has nothing to do with the fertility drugs. She said a lot of women just get cysts. But we don't know it because most of the time we don't have some one diggin around in there to see it. She said in no way does this mean I have PCOS either. It is not that kind of cyst so I don't need to worry about that path.
I just feel like I wasted a cycle of Clomid. You only get so many and there goes one down the toilet. She told me there is still a chance to save this cycle. I can keep testing with OPKs if I like and let her know if my LH starts to rise. That would mean the cyst has taken care of itself. There is still a chance the Clomid could do the job it was meant to do. But I am just not holding out much hope right now.
But all of that is not even the worst part. Apparently the tech wasn't kidding when she asked about two cervix. My doctor thinks I have a double uterus. She thinks she can see 2 uterus and 2 cervix on the ultrasound. The one on the right is normal and most likely the one I carried my son and probably the other pregnancy in. But there seems to be a smaller, less well formed set on the left side. So part of the reason I am going back on the 29th is so she can have a better look around. She said that if I do in fact have 2 it will not in any way effect my health or my fertility. I would have to have a pap for both cervix but that is it. It doesn't seem to be "hooked up" to anything. It's just sittin there chillen. She will check it out with the ultrasound and do an in depth gyno check at my appointments that day.
I can't help but feel like a freak. I am trying not to think that way. But it is just very weird. She said while it is not normal for the female population in general. It is actually common in her practice. Again nobody notices these things unless there is a problem, like infertility, that makes them do some digging. But I still feel just weird. I am angry and upset that it seems like we are wasting a cycle of Clomid. I am upset that we are facing another set back. I am trying not to lose hope. I know we are no were near the end point of fertility treatment. We still have a long road and a lot of options to have a child of our own together. But right now I just feel chewed up and spit out by all of this. I feel like a total failure for not giving my husband a child of his own. I know how much it means to him and I am just not making it happen. He is fine and healthy. He can have children. I am begining to wonder if I ever will again. I am glad I have Fridy off. I need a day to just be alone and cry and get it all out of my system. This sucks! There is nothing I can do about it right now. That is the worst part for me. I want to do SOMETHING but there is nothing to be done but sit and wait to see what happens. I am tired of doing that. I am tired of all of this.
First I have 3 cysts on my ovaries. Two cherry sized cysts. One on my left ovary and one on my right ovary. Those supposedly are no big deal. But there is a golf ball sized cyst on my right ovary. It is fluid filled so they do not think it is cancer. I have to go back to the clinic on July 29th for a follow up ultrasound and visit with my doctor. If the cyst has not burst on it's own by then she will decide if they are going to try to drain it or do surgery to remove it.
The large cyst is producing it's own hormones. The blood test showed that my estrogen levels are 4 times as high as they should be. The estrogen is suppressing my FSH and LH hormones. In other words I will not ovulate until the cyst is gone. There is a small chance that the Clomid will be strong enough to cause the cyst to rupture and then I will ovulate. But it is a very slim chance.
I asked her if the Clomid caused the cysts and she said no. My hormone levels were very high on the day I started the Clomid. She thinks the cyst has been there for a while. That is most likely why I did not ovulate last cycle or get a period on my own. If I get a period before the ultrasound, or after, I can start another round of Clomid. The cysts do not change the course of treatment she has chosen because she thinks it has nothing to do with the fertility drugs. She said a lot of women just get cysts. But we don't know it because most of the time we don't have some one diggin around in there to see it. She said in no way does this mean I have PCOS either. It is not that kind of cyst so I don't need to worry about that path.
I just feel like I wasted a cycle of Clomid. You only get so many and there goes one down the toilet. She told me there is still a chance to save this cycle. I can keep testing with OPKs if I like and let her know if my LH starts to rise. That would mean the cyst has taken care of itself. There is still a chance the Clomid could do the job it was meant to do. But I am just not holding out much hope right now.
But all of that is not even the worst part. Apparently the tech wasn't kidding when she asked about two cervix. My doctor thinks I have a double uterus. She thinks she can see 2 uterus and 2 cervix on the ultrasound. The one on the right is normal and most likely the one I carried my son and probably the other pregnancy in. But there seems to be a smaller, less well formed set on the left side. So part of the reason I am going back on the 29th is so she can have a better look around. She said that if I do in fact have 2 it will not in any way effect my health or my fertility. I would have to have a pap for both cervix but that is it. It doesn't seem to be "hooked up" to anything. It's just sittin there chillen. She will check it out with the ultrasound and do an in depth gyno check at my appointments that day.
I can't help but feel like a freak. I am trying not to think that way. But it is just very weird. She said while it is not normal for the female population in general. It is actually common in her practice. Again nobody notices these things unless there is a problem, like infertility, that makes them do some digging. But I still feel just weird. I am angry and upset that it seems like we are wasting a cycle of Clomid. I am upset that we are facing another set back. I am trying not to lose hope. I know we are no were near the end point of fertility treatment. We still have a long road and a lot of options to have a child of our own together. But right now I just feel chewed up and spit out by all of this. I feel like a total failure for not giving my husband a child of his own. I know how much it means to him and I am just not making it happen. He is fine and healthy. He can have children. I am begining to wonder if I ever will again. I am glad I have Fridy off. I need a day to just be alone and cry and get it all out of my system. This sucks! There is nothing I can do about it right now. That is the worst part for me. I want to do SOMETHING but there is nothing to be done but sit and wait to see what happens. I am tired of doing that. I am tired of all of this.
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