Only little dogs allowed!

From now on only little dogs are allowed to live in our house. And even then they must wear tiny little diapers with holes for their tails at all times.

OK I am kidding ... sorta. For some reason lately it has been a shit fest in my house. I know that sounds harsh but so is poop clean up at 3 am. When your sick. And bending over to pick the poo up makes your congested and dizzy and almost pass out. Not fun!

I am not OK with tying Bocephus up outside. And once winter comes that will totally not be an option. If I were not afraid of Bo chewing off the leg of any one in the general area then I might just let him run free out side. Like Sonny does and like Patty and Blackie always did. I mean that is one of the benefits of living on a farm right? But I have a huge fear of him attacking the mail man or something. I could buy an out door kennel. But my hubby keeps pooping on that idea. $300 might be a darn good investment verses what ever a ticket costs when your dog goes all Cujo on the UPS guy. But what do I know? *eye roll*

All I know is I am done having dogs in the house. Once Bocephus and Sonny have passed and gone on to doggy heaven I will still have medium/large dogs. But they will be STRICTLY OUT DOOR DOGGERS! Small chihuahuas are still allowed. But they will be kenneled EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!

OK I think I am done complaining about the pooter ... for now.

Awful dreams

I had the most awful dream the other night. It is still bothering me. I don't remember everything. I often have dreams that I have a baby but have been gone for what ever reason and unable to breast feed. By the time I get back to my baby my milk has dried up and I am robbed of the opportunity to breastfeed. It is a weird dream and happens a lot. So again the other night I have a baby and I have just been "missing" for the first couple of weeks. But in this dream my baby kept dying. I was able to revive the baby every time but when I did the baby would get smaller. Like one time I had swaddled the baby in blankets. I noticed that the blankets were over the baby's face. I pulled the blanket back and of course the baby wasn't breathing again. The fingers and lips had turned blue. I did rescue breathing and the baby came back again. Again the baby had shrank. I tried to breastfeed but the baby was to small to latch on and that was when I realized my milk had dried up again. It was so disturbing to watch my baby die over and over again and then come back to life but smaller. I remember thinking that eventually my baby will get so small that he/she will no longer exist. Such scary dreams.

Sinus Infection

UGH! I think I am getting a sinus infection. My sinuses having been hurting for the last 2 days I think. I have been taking Tylenol Sinus to help it hurt less and make me less stuffy. But I am thinking more and more that my stupid cold is turning into a sinus infection. I can feel it brewing in there. I will have to break out the nettie pot again and run some salt water through my sinuses a few times. Hopefully that will kill off any bacteria that might be growing in there. I can't forget my vitamin. Gotta keep my immune system up. Especially with the piggie flu at Bryan's school. I just don't need an infection right now. I have already taken the Clomid so it's not like I can cancel this cycle due to illness. OY!

Piggie Flu!!!

Ahhhhh! Tonight on the news, while I was at work, I noticed my son's school was on the news! Apparently there has been confirmed cases of the H1N1 virus! There have been tons of kids who are home sick. The piggie flu is running wild in my child's school. Oh just flippin great.

I have been sick for about a week now. Just a cold. Nothing serious. But unlike SOME people I work with I can not just call in sick. I actually have to find some one to cover my shift before I can stay home sick. Must be nice to be so pampered and favored by the boss lady to never have to cover your shift. ANYWAY I was sick all weekend. I just had to suck it up and suck down the Dayquil. BLAH! I feel mostly better now. A little sniffly still and coughing. But MUCH better then I was over the weekend.

Ethan complained about feeling ill but after a good nights sleep he says he is feeling better. Must also be nice to "get a good nights sleep" and suddenly feel better. UGH! But he said that Bryan had the sniffles. Geez! I am hoping and praying a lot that the sniffles are just the watered down version of what I have. Bryan has always been a healthy kid and fights off nasty bugs much better then I do. Plus since he knocked off his fingernail I have been making sure he takes his vitamin every single morning. So hopefully he will not and is not horribly sick.

So I broke out the cans of Lysol. I have sprayed every thing down. Probably to a fault. I have always had bottles of hand sanitizer around the house. Hand washing and hand sanitizer will be a MUST this flu season. I have a lot more deep cleaning that needs to be done. Break out the bleach!!! I have a small hand sanitizer bottle attached to my belt loop. I put one on his backpack. Hopefully he uses it and stays healthy.

I am going to go take my multi vitamin and try and get some sleep. If I can get the buggies off my brain. I have school in the morning. And to think I thought MY school was the one to worry about ...

Hot flashes suck!

Have I mentioned that hot flashes suck? Cause they really really do! A notorious side effect of the Clomid, hot flashes have been making my life miserable all weekend. I am sick so that doesn't help. I have found it interesting how some side effects have become less frequent the more I use the Clomid while others have become more frequent. My moods have been rather stable this time around. Except for Friday night when I almost jumped over the table and strangled my husband's friend. Every time he got louder I just got louder then him. LOL OK I know not very mature of me. Especially not in public. But not overly strange in a bar over a few drinks either. Other then that one out burst I really have not felt overly emotional. The hot flashes are a totally different story how ever. I have been hot flashin up and down this town all weekend long. Friday night Ethan asked me to turn the fan off. Instead of off I turned it to high and then aimed it at the couch where I promptly plopped down and spread out as much as possible. I was hot and sweating like a crazy woman. Maybe 30 minutes later I was freezing and turning the fan off. I can't help it! I am a little crazy these days. Infertility and treatment for infertility will do that to you I guess! HA HA HA

The fat lady sang.

I am struggling today. I had a HUGE temp drop yesterday morning. I was sure AF was coming last night. I woke up this morning and my temp was back up, the cramps were gone and I had a tiny bit of hope again. Well all hope is gone. AF showed her ugly face. I am not pregnant. The fertility drugs failed this cycle. I failed this cycle. *sigh* I am angry. Angry at myself and the world and everyone around me getting my dream handed to them while I struggle again and again. Maybe it's not fair. Maybe it is childish. But sometimes I just don't care. I am just so mad. I need to do something. Something has to change ...

I have 2 more rounds of Clomid left. The first round was wasted on a cycle with the cyst I didn't know about. The second one did not get me pregnant. So now I have 2 left. I have picked up the prescription and will start again on Thursday. I hope that it works this time. We still have plenty more options. The Clomid is just option one. So even if the next two rounds of Clomid fail to get me pregnant we still have more steps to take and more drugs to try. *sigh*

Then I started watching the Biggest Loser at work. And now I am watching the rest of it at home. I am tired of being fat. I worry I am hurting my chances of getting pregnant because of my weight or my eating habits or my lack of exercise. I am tired of being tired all the time. I am tired of having trouble to bend over to do simple things like tie my shoes. I can't do this anymore. I just can't. Things need to change. I need to change. I need to work harder at everything in my life. My job, my education, my home, being a wife and a mother to the one beautiful child that I do have. Something has to change ... I just don't know where to start ...

Hate the wait.

I hate waiting. I only have a few more days left until I can test. Ugh! I don't wanna wait! My temp was lower then before but still above the cover line. So it might be good still ... might be bad ... who knows. I could just be having an implantation dip. Or it could be my temps heading down before A shows. Who knows. *sigh* Just a few more days and I will have an answer. I hope it is the good one.

Going crazy already!!!

I just barely ovulated and I am already going crazy!!! I want to know! I want to test! Which is just plain old silly. It is far to early to test. But OMG I want to know NOW! I want to know if there is an itty bitty baby in there floating around and heading down my tubes into warm uterus land. UGH! I can barely stand it! How am I going to make it through the next 2 weeks??? It seems impossible!!! There is the part of me that says "RELAX! You have taken the Clomid and there is no dang good reason you are not pregnant. Heck you could even be pregnant with twins!" But then of course there is the part of me who is realistic based on the last 3 years off TTC that says "Who the hell are you kidding??? It hasn't happened before. Why would it happen now? You had one chance and you some how blew it! Bitch please! You are NOT going to have a baby this cycle or any cycle for that matter dumb ass!" I try to listen to the first voice. LOL *sigh* OK I will just be over here in the corner just going slowly crazy. Don't mind me.

Good and Bad Day

I am going to start with the good news because it is great. And the bad news is just a pain in my rear. LOL

So the good news is I am ovulating! Not only am I ovulating but I am doing it at a halfway decent time in my cycle! I am on CD 16 today. My average day of ovulation with out the Clomid was CD 24. So that is an improvement and it means the Clomid is doing what my RE wanted it to do. Hopefully that will improve the quality of my egg and get me good and knocked up. It was so nice this morning to see the +OPK and peak reading on my FM. WOOHOO! I do not work tonight so I even have time for nooky with the hubby! SWEET! Fingers crossed! My CM is a little dryer then normal. But the EWCM is still there. Just not in as vast quantities as in the past. I took some tussin to try and help with that for later tonight. he he he

The bad news is my back is KILLING ME! I woke up and my lower back was so stiff and so sore I could barely move. I am suppose to be in psychology class right now but I can't move. OK I can move but it is at a snails pace and with lots of swearing and heavy breathing. LOL I have no idea what I did. My back felt fine at 6am right before Ethan got up for work. Sometime between 6:30 - 8:30am when I got up for class my back went crazy on me! I took a hot shower/bath and that helped a little bit. I took some Advil and am sitting in the chair playing on the computer now. If it doesn't start feeling better soon I might just go lay back down in bed. I hate missing class but I knew I could not make it in today. I am so glad I don't work. It kind of puts a crimp in my grocery shopping day. But maybe I will feel better later. I am almost tempted to call my aunt and see if she has an opening for a massage today. But then I hate to bug her because she does daycare too. *sigh* I have no idea what I did but I hope I feel better soon. I have so much junk to get done today.